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Clever Responses to Insults

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  1. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you were trying to insult me. I thought you were trying to make a joke.”
  2. “That insult was so weak, I almost mistook it for a compliment.”
  3. “If insults were currency, you’d be bankrupt by now.”
  4. “I’ve been insulted by professionals. Your attempt needs work.”
  5. “Is that the best insult you’ve got? I’m almost disappointed.”
  6. “Wow, that insult was as effective as a screen door on a submarine.”
  7. “I’ve heard better insults from a toddler in a sandbox.”
  8. “Your insults are like expired milk—sour and past their expiration date.”
  9. “Did you come up with that insult all by yourself, or did you have help from Google?”
  10. “Congratulations, you just earned yourself a participation trophy for that insult.”
  11. “I see you’ve upgraded from playground insults to middle school level. Progress, I guess.”
  12. “If insults were raindrops, you’d cause a drought.”
  13. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize your vocabulary was limited to insults and grunts.”
  14. “Your insults are about as effective as a chocolate teapot.”
  15. “That insult was so generic, I could recycle it and use it on someone else.”
  16. “I’ve been insulted by better people than you, and they at least put some effort into it.”
  17. “You should get a refund for that insult. It’s not worth the air you wasted saying it.”
  18. “I’ve seen more creativity in a bowl of alphabet soup than in your insults.”
  19. “If I wanted to hear something that lacked originality, I’d listen to a broken record.”
  20. “Your insults are like a broken pencil—pointless.”
  21. “Is that insult supposed to hurt my feelings, or are you just warming up?”
  22. “I’ve got thicker skin than a rhinoceros. Your insults won’t even leave a scratch.”
  23. “Your insults are like mosquitoes—annoying, but ultimately harmless.”
  24. “You insult like a kid trying to start a fire with wet matches—lots of effort, but no results.”
  25. “I’d ask for a refund on that insult, but I doubt you have a money-back guarantee.”
  26. “Your insults are like a bad movie sequel—nobody asked for them, and they’re just a rehash of the original.”
  27. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
  28. “I’ve met door knobs with more intelligence than you.”
  29. “Did you fall out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down?”
  30. “Congratulations on achieving the IQ of room temperature.”
  31. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
  32. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
  33. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your stupidity.”
  34. “If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.”
  35. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  36. “Do you ever wonder what life is like for the intellectually challenged? Oh, wait…”
  37. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
  38. “If brains were gasoline, you wouldn’t have enough to power an ant’s motorcycle around the inside of a Cheerio.”
  39. “The fact that you’re still talking is proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
  40. “I’d call you a tool, but even a tool has a use.”
  41. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  42. “I’ve heard smarter things come out of a parrot’s butt.”
  43. “If you were any less intelligent, you’d need watering twice a week.”
  44. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  45. “I’d say you’re dumb as a box of rocks, but that would be an insult to rocks.”
  46. “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
  47. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
  48. “If you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  49. “You’re not the brightest crayon in the box. In fact, you’re probably the box.”
  50. “If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness.”
  51. “I’d call you a half-wit, but that would be giving you too much credit.”
  52. “You’re like a dictionary, except you’re just full of words that nobody understands.”
  53. “If you were any slower, you’d need a permission slip to participate in life.”
  54. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  55. “I’m not saying you’re stupid; I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
  56. “If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a week.”
  57. “I’d call you a dimwit, but that would be an insult to dimwits everywhere.”
  58. “You’re not just dumb; you’re a whole new level of stupid.”
  59. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  60. “You’re like a broken record, except you’re not even worth listening to.”
  61. “You’re not just dumb; you’re the reason they invented spell check.”
  62. “I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but even rocks have more common sense.”
  63. “If stupidity were a sport, you’d be an Olympic champion.”
  64. “You’re not just a few fries short of a Happy Meal; you’re a whole kid’s menu.”
  65. “I’d say you’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but that would imply you were even invited to the picnic.”
  66. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
  67. “I’ve met door knobs with more intelligence than you.”
  68. “Did you fall out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down?”
  69. “Congratulations on achieving the IQ of room temperature.”
  70. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
  71. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
  72. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your stupidity.”
  73. “If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.”
  74. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  75. “Do you ever wonder what life is like for the intellectually challenged? Oh, wait…”
  76. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
  77. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  78. “I’ve heard smarter things come out of a parrot’s butt.”
  79. “If you were any less intelligent, you’d need watering twice a week.”
  80. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  81. “I’d say you’re dumb as a box of rocks, but that would be an insult to rocks.”
  82. “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
  83. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
  84. “If you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  85. “You’re not the brightest crayon in the box. In fact, you’re probably the box.”
  86. “If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness.”
  87. “I’d call you a half-wit, but that would be giving you too much credit.”
  88. “You’re like a dictionary, except you’re just full of words that nobody understands.”
  89. “If you were any slower, you’d need a permission slip to participate in life.”
  90. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  91. “I’m not saying you’re stupid; I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
  92. “If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a week.”
  93. “I’d call you a dimwit, but that would be an insult to dimwits everywhere.”
  94. “You’re not just dumb; you’re a whole new level of stupid.”
  95. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  96. “You’re like a broken record, except you’re not even worth listening to.”
  97. “You’re not just dumb; you’re the reason they invented spell check.”
  98. “I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but even rocks have more common sense.”
  99. “If stupidity were a sport, you’d be an Olympic champion.”
  100. “You’re not just a few fries short of a Happy Meal; you’re a whole kid’s menu.”
  101. “I’d say you’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but that would imply you were even invited to the picnic.”
  102. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
  103. “I’ve met door knobs with more intelligence than you.”
  104. “Did you fall out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down?”
  105. “Congratulations on achieving the IQ of room temperature.”
  106. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
  107. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
  108. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your stupidity.”
  109. “If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.”
  110. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  111. “Do you ever wonder what life is like for the intellectually challenged? Oh, wait…”
  112. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”
  113. “If brains were gasoline, you wouldn’t have enough to power an ant’s motorcycle around the inside of a Cheerio.”
  114. “The fact that you’re still talking is proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
  115. “I’d call you a tool, but even a tool has a use.”
  116. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  117. “I’ve heard smarter things come out of a parrot’s butt.”
  118. “If you were any less intelligent, you’d need watering twice a week.”
  119. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  120. “I’d say you’re dumb as a box of rocks, but that would be an insult to rocks.”
  121. “You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
  122. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
  123. “If you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  124. “You’re not the brightest crayon in the box. In fact, you’re probably the box.”
  125. “If you had a brain cell, it would die of loneliness.”
  126. “I’d call you a half-wit, but that would be giving you too much credit.”
  127. “You’re like a dictionary, except you’re just full of words that nobody understands.”
  128. “If you were any slower, you’d need a permission slip to participate in life.”
  129. “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed. You’re not even a tool. You’re more like the shed.”
  130. “I’m not saying you’re stupid; I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
  131. “If you were any dumber, someone would have to water you twice a week.”
  132. “I’d call you a dimwit, but that would be an insult to dimwits everywhere.”
  133. “You’re not just dumb; you’re a whole new level of stupid.”
  134. “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time, the crayons, or the patience.”
  135. “You’re like a broken record, except you’re not even worth listening to.”
  136. “You’re not just dumb; you’re the reason they invented spell check.”
  137. “I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but even rocks have more common sense.”
  138. “If stupidity were a sport, you’d be an Olympic champion.”
  139. “You’re not just a few fries short of a Happy Meal; you’re a whole kid’s menu.”
  140. “I’d say you’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but that would imply you were even invited to the picnic.”
  141. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
  142. “I’ve met door knobs with more intelligence than you.”
  143. “Did you fall out of the idiot tree and hit every branch on the way down?”
  144. “Congratulations on achieving the IQ of room temperature.”
  145. “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
  146. “You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
  147. “I’m sorry, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your stupidity.”
  148. “If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.”
  149. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  150. “Do you ever wonder what life is like for the intellectually challenged? Oh, wait…”
  151. “I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.”

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