Responding to insults with savage comebacks can be a way to defend yourself while showcasing wit and confidence. Here are 200 savage comebacks to various insults:
- “If I wanted to hear from an ass, I’d fart.”
- “I’m sorry, I don’t speak idiot. Could you translate that for me?”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”
- “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
- “I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You’re proof that even garbage can be recycled.”
- “I’d roast you, but my mom said I’m not allowed to burn trash.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.”
- “I would have given you a nasty look but you already have one.”
- “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.”
- “I’d call you a tool, but that would be an insult to useful things.”
- “It’s impossible to underestimate you.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”
- “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “I’d like to see things from your perspective, but I can’t seem to shove my head that far up my ass.”
- “I’d call you a moron, but that would be an insult to morons.”
- “You’re about as useful as a white crayon.”
- “If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.”
- “You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid.”
- “I’d call you an idiot, but that would be unfair to stupid people.”
- “Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?”
- “You bring everyone a lot of joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You are the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.”
- “You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “You’re so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous.”
- “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
- “Your village called. Their idiot is missing.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “You’re like a fart – silent but deadly.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “I see you’ve set aside this special time to lower the IQ of everyone in the room.”
- “Are you always this annoying, or are you just trying to impress me?”
- “I’d try to respect your opinion, but it’s hard to respect something that doesn’t exist.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “If you were any less intelligent, you’d have to be watered twice a week.”
- “You are proof that God has a sense of humor.”
- “I was today years old when I realized I don’t like you.”
- “I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.”
- “Your brain’s so small, I could feed it to a bird and it would still be hungry.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You’re as bright as Alaska in December.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you every day.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “You’re the human version of a period cramp.”
- “You bring everyone a lot of joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
- “You’re a cup of room-temperature water in a world full of hot chocolate.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time or the crayons.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “Your life is like a marathon – a really, really slow marathon.”
- “I’d call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to idiots.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
- “You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “You’re like a software update – annoying and unnecessary.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an ass, I’d fart.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “You are the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “I would have given you a nasty look but you already have one.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
- “If you were any less intelligent, you’d have to be watered twice a week.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “I’d try to respect your opinion, but it’s hard to respect something that doesn’t exist.”
- “Your village called. Their idiot is missing.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “You’re the human version of a period cramp.”
- “I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.”
- “Your brain’s so small, I could feed it to a bird and it would still be hungry.”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “You’re as sharp as a marble.”
- “You’re as bright as Alaska in December.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “You’re the reason God created the middle finger.”
- “You bring everyone a lot of joy… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cup of room-temperature water in a world full of hot chocolate.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have the time or the crayons.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “Your life is like a marathon – a really, really slow marathon.”
- “I’d call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to idiots.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “Your face makes onions cry.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be idiots.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
- “You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “You’re like a software update – annoying and unnecessary.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an ass, I’d fart.”
- “You’re about as useful as a knitted condom.”
- “You are the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “I would have given you a nasty look but you already have one.”
- “You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”